Torture by FB

Social media is a BITCH! Yeah, I said it. Even if you deny it, you know that you totally look up the ex that broke your heart & secretly hope his life is as confused as yours. Oh…wait, that’s what I just did.

One of my friends is currently going through his own heartache when his boyfriend of 9 years hid some ugly truths and well, the rest has become complicated. My other friends who live 3 hours away talk about their broken hearts and try to heal their pain with cheap rum and “fuck him!” talks.

Hearing their stories and hearing their heartache brings me back. How? Well, lets rewind; ehhh about 3 years when I was living a life when I thought I had found my “missing puzzle piece”, ‘he’ and I were unstoppable or so I thought. ‘He’ was the first person who I told all my secrets and fears to, alllllll my insecurities and guess what, I felt that he accepted me and cherished me. ‘He’ was also the first one who I felt believed in me and made me believe in myself (This might be a long story so feel free to check out at anytime.). ‘He’ was also the first guy I had EVER introduced to my parents (this is a very big deal in my world). I shared my pain with him and he shared his and I broke so many of my rules for him. I can’t help but laugh now at all the rules that I broke so blindly because I felt that I understood his pain (why as a female do we try to heal the broken?). Here are some of the rules…

1. Never date someone whose been divorced (I was 24, he was 25 & was on his 3rd divorce).
2. Never date someone with children (He had an 8 year old from his 1st marriage).
3. Never date military (my brother was in the military & has been through 3 divorces).
4. Never date someone who you can’t see (He started talking to me through Facebook & didn’t even live in the same) state.

I’ll just let all that soak in for a little bit…..

You ever hear of people telling you to look out for the red flags? Those are the red flags you should try to avoid and what did I do? I said screw the red flags! I thought the red flags weren’t warnings but instead they showed his humanity, ‘he’ was a great communicator and ‘he’ was honest about those red flags so I felt that I could help.

It all started with a Facebook message that I responded to because I felt hurt at the time and I felt lonely. ‘He’ seemed harmless to me because he was on the other side of the world and I craved meaningful conversation like you wouldn’t believe. ‘He’ was sweet and no one had really ever been sweet to me and ‘he’ became my friend in a time when I needed it the most. I should’ve known he was trouble when our conversations would last over 4 hours and I’d rush into work with no sleep and a smile on my face.

Before you think I was cat fished I actually wasn’t, I had him skype with me and the first time I saw him I felt butterflies and after we got done talking, he told me that even though I just wanted and was maintaining a friendship that ‘he’ was going to make me fall in love with him. I can still remember how much that freaked me out and thinking of it now I should’ve known that he would break my heart.

‘He’ did everything within his power to make me fall and I was naive to think I was in control when the reality was that I fell hard. Especially when the moment he was back from deployment he flew down to see me for the first time because he wanted me to spend Christmas with him and his family on the East Coast and I refused to go out of fear. ‘He’ flew to me (I’m on the West Coast) just to ease my fear so that I could fly back with him if our ‘in person’ meet went well (btw my family was horrified). When I met him it felt like everything just clicked and I had never felt that click with anyone and I felt protected.

‘He’ became everything I never knew I wanted and needed and ‘he’ became my first love and heartbreak. (To be continued)