It’s okay

It’s not all about past heartbreaks and coping. Sometimes it’s just about living life the way it works for you or at least one that motivates you just enough to get up and go.

I should point out that even if nostalgia comes and goes that there’s a day where you’ll get over it and where the memories seem like someone else’s story rather than your own (btw the nostalgia is okay, stop associating it with guilt!). Also it’s okay to date, you aren’t betraying anyone I promise because you don’t owe anyone any loyalty least of all an ex (took a while to get that through my head.

I did some dating/venting after the break up, I had some terrible 1st dates and blind dates but they at least made me laugh whether it was out horror or disbelief or both. I however set it into my head that I would find myself a “nice guy”. I did, but I couldn’t help but do some comparing (don’t do it!) it didn’t help that I went with the whole “honesty is the best policy” and told him about my past heartache and how it still had the capacity to hit me every now and again. Things I learned..

1. I dislike having to explain my feelings/actions.
2. I can hold grudges.
3. I have trust issues.
4. I can be blinded by the negative (see #3).

It didn’t help that he also had trust issues (he’s been cheated on) so our triggers were/can be the same. Needless to say relationships are hard no matter how you look at it especially after heartache but if you can find more good than bad and if you can find someone who’s compassionate and willing to work with you on your problems (we’re all crazy) than I say go for it. One last thing for now please oh please do your best not to compare, you will never have the same feeling you did the first time, sometimes it will be better, sometimes worse but they’re different people and so are you so things will never feel the same and even if it’s a hard pill to swallow, it’ll be okay because even with all the chaos that I feel is happening in my life I still know that I’m okay.